These past few days I've run into such bitchy moms on the internet. From the minute you start googling any question you can find them - the judgy, mean, horrible women who just want to make other women feel bad. One of the first few nights I brought Flo home I was tired and scared and it was a little cold and I googled 'what should the temperature of my baby's room be' or something like that and some of the moms were like 'WHY WOULD YOU LET YOUR BABY BE COLD' and 'HOW DARE YOU PUT YOUR BABY IN ANOTHER BED' and 'HOW DARE YOU NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR BABY' and 'EVERYTHING YOU DO IS CAUSING SIDS' I was so sad reading through the comments on the forums. A new mom needs a place to ask questions without being totally judged - even the places that have the best intentions get clouded sometimes.
I thought I found that in a few fun private Facebook groups. Ladies 'nicely bitch' (I just made that term up) about their mother in laws (MILS), husbands, poop, daycare etc. It's fun and supportive. Then once in a while the crazies come out. Yesterday someone posted something about being angry that formula exists at all - and another person said 'nobody here takes breastfeeding seriously' and then there was this huge fight.
Breastfeeding a baby is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I have tons of questions - I've cried about it a lot - my baby is growing like a weed and sometimes I worry that I can't keep her full with just my milk - so I drink a lot and eat a lot and tried formula (she hated it) -- so I worry more. The thing I need is support and finally someone to say - formula isn't poison - you are doing your best and goddamn it this is hard. I think everyone who's ever had a baby deserves a zillion dollars and a massage and a million points on the scorecard of life - I would never ever suggest to another mom that she wasn't going through something just as tough - if not tougher.
I want to be a good mom. I want to be a good friend to other moms. I don't want to turn into a person who freaks out at the sight of formula or a baby without socks on. Juan Carlos was a formula baby and he's perfect! I'm sure I'll mess up - I've already done things where I'm like shoot... ok don't do that again. When I start to beat myself up about it I stop by thinking about how much I love my Flo and how much she doesn't need a mom who's insane.
Also - most importantly I'm teaching Flo to be kind. I'm leading by example.