This weekend I have to go to a friend's father's funeral. The past two years have begun for us with January funerals. It's such a transitional time and such a strong event to begin the year with. In Committed one thing that she said that really struck me was when she considered a small private more elopey wedding and her young niece wasn't comfortable with that. She wanted an event. This is why, Liz explains, her grandfather told her to always go to funerals. It's not for you, it's not for the deceased, it's for the loved one to see you and register that you were there. So that when you run into them on the street or at a party they don't have to tell you the news. They know that you know. The same goes for a wedding, there's that weird look you give people who were married who's weddings you didn't attend like "oh yes hi oh omg congratulations!" JCPE and I are going to get that a lot. The first few weeks are going to be intense. A lot of yes, and really, no no REALLY. I'm grateful today for the opportunity to be married in private and celebrate with you all at a later date. Life, as it turns out, is too short not to celebrate, too short not to love, and too short not to attend.
Today I remembered that I had Liz Gilbert's Committed on my ipod. I had started 'reading' it before but didn't really get into it (I gave it 16 minutes).Today I had to lug my computer into the city so I left my kindle behind and decided to begin the book again. Perfect timing for someone who just realized that... woah, hey! I might not know what marriage is about. It's true. We've lived together for 3+ years and we share a lot and we've been through a lot, but being married is going to be different. Just by design.
When I look at JCPE I feel very very almost extraordinarily like, I can't wait to see you when we're old. It's going to be a long path, there's going to be a lot that happens. I feel ridiculous saying that. Well of course a lot is going to happen, and it won't all be good, and it won't all be expected, but at least we'll be together.
In Committed the first thing that struck me (in the first hour or so) was the idea that no matter what happens you have a place to sleep together and how important that is. Just the laying down and going to be together and waking up and starting each day together (and like I told JCPE at dinner today, he could totally murder me if he wanted to, but he doesn't, that's trust there my friends!). I'm looking forward to finishing the book and the next few months really settling in and trying to understand what marriage IS.
JCPE burnt a pot full of coffee on the stove today and the entire house smells like burnt coffee... but it's ok because he was talking to Greg on the phone! Our good friend who agreed to officiate the wedding! He, and the guy from Rosa Muerta, are the only people who know! Greg, thank you for going on this journey with us.
I'm talking to Gugs on the phone right now! Hi Gugs! I'm pretending that we're still going to get married in PR! Please don't kill me when you read this in May!