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Don't think you were born too late

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I'm having a real hard time with this recently. 

A few years ago I caught 'The Eye Has to Travel' when it was on Netflix and became obsessed with Diana Vreeland. I love free people - people who just do them and don't care what anyone else thinks. Because it doesn't occur to them to care. 

Mrs. Vreeland's mother kept trying to make her feel bad that she missed the late 1800s strolls down the Seine - but she didn't care what's to care about there's nothing you can do. 

I've been reading a lot of Dorothy Parker - I'm not jealous of a youth lived in New York City - I did that. I went to fancy restaurants and parties and operas. I wore ball gowns in hotel ballrooms and in dive bars. I listened to jazz till 4am and smoked cigarettes over cheesecake at 2am with the best friends I've ever had. There were times when I had three jobs and went to school and I never asked my parents for money. 

I lived in Europe, I lived in Brooklyn, now I live in Los Angeles. All wonderful things. So it's not the experiences that I'm yearning for - it's the environment. It's the idea that my world can be small - aware slightly of the larger world - but a small world where I don't know so many people and know so many things and can just live my life without being a part of something so vastly bigger than me. 

Aware the whole time that the grass is always greener. 


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