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Pregnant and tired and learning stuff.

Ok - so I was reading the internet. Specifically, Man Repeller - because I'm not reading the news these days. Leandra is a hero obviously. When I read her post on mirror selfies and how it happened that during her 30 day selfie challenge she had something really sad happen - and learned to look at herself again. To really see herself. I thought I should do that, at least catalogue my last few weeks of my last pregnancy. 

It's been three days. 
This happened on day two.

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I'M SORRY ONLY TWO INSTAGRAM LIKES IN OVER 24 HOURS!!! One being my husband who was coerced into liking it via slack when it sat unliked for HOURS. 

Ok well I learned something already - the internet hurts my feelings sometimes in ways I thought I was too cool for.

Just one more trimester to go! 

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Song of the summer!

Testing NationBuilder Embed.ly links - but also here's a dance break. 

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Lamp Makeovers! DIY lampshades for Rancho Relaxo

Now that we live in two places we are in a decorating limbo. We brought some stuff to the Ranch and some stuff stayed here but made things less fancy LA side. One awesome thing that we are doing at the ranch is customizing lamps! We bought 6 of these for $7 each at a hotel liquidation sale last fall. They have an extra outlet in the base (duh, like at a hotel) so they are extra awesome. Below are the lamps for the bedroom - a red lamp for the kitchen in progress - the two blue lamps are in the living room and the middle below is the original! 

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I finished this orange & blue lamp for the bedroom today!

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Ingredients:

- lamp with shade
- spray paint for the lamp base
- fabric for the shade cover 
- paper to make a pattern 
- sewing pins to hold pattern in place
- clothes pins to hold fabric on shade
- hot glue 
- ribbon for the inside of the shade to cover the edges 

Step by step:

1. Spray paint the lamp! The spray paint didn't really love the rubber on the cord so I ended up having to cover the cords in black electrical tape for the first ones that we did. Juan does two coats on each and to get the plug and switches right he puts painters tape around them and uses a box cutter to clean up any tape on the actual lamp. 

2. Cut out a pattern for the lampshade. This pattern suggests cutting 1 inch over the pattern - I just drew the pattern one inch over so I'd always make sure I had more - but that's totally up to you!

3. Iron a 1/2 inch hem into one side of the fabric & hot glue it down - this one will be on the outside of the shade seam. 

4. Pin the fabric in place to get everything in the right spot. Pull it tight over the edges of the shade. 

5. Start hot glueing the edges down on the inside of the shade. Originally, I put some modge podge on the shade first but that wasn't necessary so you can totally skip it. I do the smaller opening first (and cut a slit if you need to for the metal on the top) pull tight while glueing the bottom so that the fabric is smooth. 

6. This will leave you with a rough edge in the inside. Cut ribbon and hot glue to cover the edge! For this I had a 3/4 inch ribbon that was a bit too thick to put along the whole edge without buckling so I cut it into 4 inch pieces and glued them down separately. Also, I thought 9 feet of ribbon would be enough to do two lamps and I was wrong! I had to get another roll. 

Easy and awesome! 

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I used to be a really good writer

I am a good writer. 

My whole life I was good at it -- I got awards -- I got nominated for awards -- when I was a Freshman in college I had a writing class and everyone had a 1x1 with the professor and people were coming out of them looking bummed and I went in there and she was like 'well you're a writer' anything else you want to talk about?

That felt good. 

I blogged a few times - did one for my wedding did one for my move to LA and blogged about baby things. I've thought about writing short stories and I've started some - finished one (the Stephen King homework from 'On Writing') but I'm having a hard time with it now. 

For the first time in a while I'm writing for work and I'm really failing. I just feel like I can't get the words out that I used to be so proud of -- I can't even write this. 

 

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Making a photo caption

 

Hello world!
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Dreams of 9/11 and Credit Cards

Many times in my dreams I can't figure out pieces of technology - sometimes I'll lose my iphone and have to use a back up flip phone and I have a really hard time finding my contacts and I feel like I'm missing something. I'm also often at a small airport about to head overseas. 

Last night I had my ID in my pocket and got through security - I was going to Europe but had to fly NYC > Seattle first for a layover. I realized that I didn't have my wallet and I kept thinking about myself in Europe with no money. So I was trying to call and email everyone at my office to have them mail my wallet to my hotel in Paris... I think now that it was Paris. I was using a computer I wasn't familiar with and trying to write the email and putting in email addresses of people from the hedge fund I worked at with @stern.nyu.edu email addresses. Then when I finally got the message out I got tons of replies from people who were willing to help - and found my wallet in my purse right away. 

The night before I was on the 19th floor of one of the Twin Towers and I knew what was happening and I kept trying to get down - the elevator was the only way and it was safe even though I kept thinking 'I know there are fire balls in the elevators' then I'd be on the ground yelling 'I know these are going to fall! We have to get out of here we have to run!' Juan recently read the 9/11 Commission Report and while he spared me a lot of details he did tell me about a group in Tower 2 who came down and then were told to go back up that they'd be safer inside - and they all died. 

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Everything comes together.

You guys. The LAPL gives you access to the Vogue digital archive.

I love Diana Vreeland so. much. This is why. What a life, what a job, what a character! 

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What is wrong with me (aka why can't I figure out the LAPL)

About 6 months ago I read a review in Time of a book I was interested in reading. I thought hey I'm going to save money and I'll get a library card! So I got the card and put a hold and I was number 22 in the queue - then on Tuesday I got the email that my hold was ready!

I went to pick it up AND IT WAS A BOOK ON CD!!!!!! This is the second time I've done this since I got my card. I go to pick up my hold (because you don't even need to look in the stacks anymore you can just order from any LA Library and it'll appear at the one you want to pick up a day or so later) and the librarian hands me the box of CDs. I take it all the way back to work before returning it the next day - because I'm too embarrassed to say I made a mistake. 

It very clearly says CD or Book.

Now I'm BACK on the list for the actual book and look - it's devastating. 

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Don't think you were born too late

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I'm having a real hard time with this recently. 

A few years ago I caught 'The Eye Has to Travel' when it was on Netflix and became obsessed with Diana Vreeland. I love free people - people who just do them and don't care what anyone else thinks. Because it doesn't occur to them to care. 

Mrs. Vreeland's mother kept trying to make her feel bad that she missed the late 1800s strolls down the Seine - but she didn't care what's to care about there's nothing you can do. 

I've been reading a lot of Dorothy Parker - I'm not jealous of a youth lived in New York City - I did that. I went to fancy restaurants and parties and operas. I wore ball gowns in hotel ballrooms and in dive bars. I listened to jazz till 4am and smoked cigarettes over cheesecake at 2am with the best friends I've ever had. There were times when I had three jobs and went to school and I never asked my parents for money. 

I lived in Europe, I lived in Brooklyn, now I live in Los Angeles. All wonderful things. So it's not the experiences that I'm yearning for - it's the environment. It's the idea that my world can be small - aware slightly of the larger world - but a small world where I don't know so many people and know so many things and can just live my life without being a part of something so vastly bigger than me. 

Aware the whole time that the grass is always greener. 

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This is what I paid for

I don't know what's up (I tried to see if it was El Niño and it was inconclusive) but this weather and the smell in the air and the feeling right now in LA - this is the California I've dreamed of. 

It only happens every few years - last time when we were thinking of moving here and I was staying at a friend's house and the window was open while I slept and I felt incredible.

If I could bottle it and swim in it and recreate it every day I would. It's not trivial to talk about the weather - the weather holds you and dictates your everything - the food that's available and clothes you wear - how you get to work how you experience your neighborhood. I read a great article about Scandinavian countries and how they think of winter as a cozy time to sit by a fire and read and hang out with family - I'm in 100% into that - this winter I almost froze to death because we don't have furniture at the ranch and the heater was being funny - but next year I'm going to embrace the winter. 

For now though - I'm spinning around the living room with the patio door open just feeling the California. 
I fucking love it. 

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Moved into our new home

The feelings I have are approx a million and insane. 

We bought a vacation home in a small town. 

Everything is crazy and this is beautiful.

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This.

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our friend died.

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This week was crazy with ups and downs. 

- The week started off with a friend sharing that she had a miscarriage 

- Then Juan got some good news at work

- Then we bought a house

- Then our friend Jiun died

And everything stopped. The highs and lows of this week are just too much. I'm sick to my stomach - I'm devastated - I'm lonely and I'm so sad. 

Jiun was a light. She was one of the only people who truly loved both me and Juan separately - and was so happy for us when we became a couple. She loved Florence.

She was special for a million reasons - my favorite is how she made me feel. She always encouraged me to be creative she always encouraged me to be my best. It didn't matter that we were at opposite ends of the country - every time she was here or I was there we had time to get together. Even if it was between other commitments she always stopped by where I was to say hello.

When I started doing political stuff a lot of my friends didn't attend any of my events. Which is fine - not everyone is political. But I was always a little hurt - like if I were in a band you'd all come to see me -- this is my band. But Jiun was always there. She came to events and debates and meetings. 

I have more to share that I will share on http://www.jiunkwon.com/

I just loved her so much. 

 

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In cool things that happened this week

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Dreams I had that would be good movies

Ok. shit has been real. 

- Lots and lots of elevators that go to different floors from different floors --- like you can only get from 8 to 12 on one bank and from 11 to 16 on another

- A house that Juan & I bought and the old owners left some totally casual stuff - like a few dishes -- and we were having a party and everyone was talking pictures and selfies and in all the pictures the word KILLER was carved into our cheeks. Sometimes it was longer like KILLLLER but everyone had it. 

- I was at another party and someone stole someone else's hat and they started shooting people in the head - and I said 'Don't shoot me I have a baby!' and I scooped up Flo and ran with her - and and a ton of issue with the elevators not letting me get to the ground

- lots of the same NYU Campus but being both huge and small at the same time

- Swimming with Juan and another couple and the other woman didn't have a nose and her husband was really mad at her and I gave her goggles with a nose part to make her feel better

- I spend lots of time in a thing that is too had to get out of - like a room that you can only get out of by squeezing through a small crevice

- Teens hanging out with a guy and they didn't know how old he was - and they had this picture of NYC and poured something on it and I watched the twin towers fall and be built backwards and they could find out he was born in the 60s  - but he had been stuck in this cave with their father when they were young but the dad escaped and became old but this guy was trapped and never aged. 

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